My thoughts cannot stray from her, she is present at all times and her memory does not leave me alone. I thought that I had overcome it, that when I left her, her image would go out of my head and I could continue with my life, it was not like that. He had never been so wrong.
I walk down the street and everything reminds me of her, in my conversations with strangers and friends I find some way to bring her into the conversation, compare her, highlight her flaws, qualities and above all talk about that beauty that is difficult to see when you meet her first time; The worst thing is that I can not help it, I get excited with the simple fact of saying her name, so many memories revive her that it is as if we had never left.
My senses look for her incessantly everywhere, I cannot afford to enjoy a new experience, a new place or a situation without her presence being there, altering everything and highlighting the idea of ”with her this would be different or this would not be so”
I hated her, I really hated her, there were days when I did not even want to see her, I preferred to stay locked up so as not to interact with her, I hated her with all my heart and I am not ashamed to admit it since with that hatred comes also a deep and genuine love like no other.
Everything that exists in the world is a duality: death, life, suffering, happiness and obviously love and hate; At first I did not understand it, I did not know how it was possible and now that I am away from her I see it clearly, my hatred was just another way of loving her.
The first days that we separated were not so difficult since in a certain way I looked for and longed for that moment of separation. I needed to go as far as possible from her, leave her behind, breathe different airs, know other places and live new experiences, but now I can’t; its image, its smell, its flavor and its colors have not gone from my head and each one of my senses misses it.
When I listen to other people talk about their experiences, their relationships and their way of seeing life, my mind is always judging and saying “it shows that he knows nothing, his comments are proof of naivety and lack of experience, of a heart that has not yet been affected and a mind that believes that it can control everything ”I was like that. I move away from those people because in a way I want to get away from myself, from the person I was before her.
I will never find someone like her again and the easiest thing would be to return but I should not, there are so many things to see and do, so many experiences to live that I promised myself not to let myself be carried away by melancholy and the past, I must go on.
I have had many loves in my life and I know that I will have many more, but without a doubt none like her. He has achieved what no one has touched me emotionally in a way that I did not think capable and for that I will always be grateful.
This confession is also my farewell, my therapy to overcome it, to be able to remove once and for all what I have inside me, what nobody knows, what some suspected but do not dare to confront me and ask me directly.
These words are my goodbye to India, the only country that has been able to make such a deep impression on me that it will last a lifetime, I know that no trip after it will be the same and I will always remember it, but life goes on and still there are many places to see and countries to visit.
You will hate her, you will love her or perhaps both at the same time as me, but without a doubt India leaves an indelible mark on you and changes you forever, just like that love you lose and its memory haunts you without you being able to forget it.